I have a bad habit of comparing myself and thinking about things that don’t matter to me. Is there any advice on how to break this habit? How to focus on yourself and not others?
People indeed say, “Don’t compare yourself with others,” but when you are in the midst of a life crisis, that is the last thing you want to hear. You find that it helps you focus on yourself and feel better about your own situation when you compare yourself with others in situations that you think are worse than yours.
In addition, you may intentionally compare yourself with others to see how well you are doing or how far you have come in comparison to them. What may seem like a harmless comparison at first can turn into a horrible way of life and hinder the success of your goals.
These bad habits seem to be a common temptation that many people have. It’s hard to break the habit, but it’s easy to start. I like to ask myself this question: Are these things bringing me more joy or more problems? Usually, if you search deep enough, the answer is the latter. Make a habit of thinking about what’s best for you, which is usually what’s best for everyone.
You probably have a lot of people in your life who always have something to say about how you do things as well as how you should do things. If you’re anything like me, then you’re someone who likes to focus on what he can do and not what others think they can do.
To make it more clear, I will give an example: many people have compared me to many people in my life who have been successful.
Whether it be my brother, my father, or any other person that happens to be relevant to my life at the time, many people around me feel the need to compare me to them. Sometimes I focus on those comparisons instead of what I really want to focus on.
Why focusing on yourself is important?
Usually, we go out of our way to uplift, educate, and motivate others to tune out the noise of outside distractions and stay focused on what’s important – themselves. All too often, people come up to us and ask how to kill their social media addiction and find ways to stay off their phones. While these are great questions, they’re not the right questions. The genuine question you should be asking yourself is:
You can’t compare your journey with someone else’s.
What I mean by this is that you’re not going to have the same exact experience as someone else. You have different life experiences and different personalities. You might have different goals, different obstacles, and different opportunities. The thing that brings you success in one area might be the thing that holds you back in another area.
Not comparing is difficult but necessary. I’ve been using the same motivational quote for years every time I find myself fixating on what other people have. I have written it on a scrap of paper, and it’s saved on my iPhone’s Notes app. It alarms me that, no matter how much you love other people, their happiness isn’t your responsibility.
It’s very simple to compare yourself to others and want what you see in them. But when you experience jealousy or self-doubt, remind yourself that everyone has their own struggles and everyone has their own story. It doesn’t mean that you’re flawed or inferior; it means that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Everyone is doing their best, and most importantly, everyone deserves to be happy.
When you realize that you deserve happiness, too, it becomes easier to focus on yourself instead of the details of someone else’s life.
I learned that focusing on yourself is more important than comparing yourself to others in the quest to find me.
Because that comparison is permanent, that comparison is unwavering. This comparison is constant. I decided to commit to focusing on myself and not compare myself.
Subsequently, I’ve learned the following: I am constantly learning new things while others forget things they once knew. I am humble with friends regardless of who they are and their titles, status, or position.
I balance who I am today and who I want to be tomorrow. And I am learning about how to be a better me, a better friend, a better partner, and a better parent every day.